At Last!

Way back in 2000, after a long road trip with my Dad, I found myself unpacking my things into a cinder block walled little room, wondering what lay ahead. By the weekend, I'd hooked up with a few older friends who had come to BYU in years before, and we were trekking up Mount Timpanogos. I thought it would be a great way of initiating myself into my new home; conquer the tallest mountain I could see, and look down on my new 'kingdom', triumphant. It would be a proclamation to myself that I was fully capable of facing and conquering whatever came my way over the upcoming years of college life.

Unfortunately, poor planning and poor preparation led a sour outcome. We had to turn back down the mountain when we were just a couple hours away from reaching the summit. I told myself it was just 'cause we started too late, but really, I was dizzy with altitude sickness (I was fresh out of Kansas) and my legs were shaking in protest at the unusual amount of work they were being asked to perform. I was glad we had to turn around so we wouldn't get caught in the dark; it was way better to be 'forced' off the mountain, than to just plain and simple wimp out.

Gratefully, I still successfully survived and even thrived in my new college world, though I repeated the poor planning and preparation scenario many times through out my college career. I was that dumb kid who stays up all night and skips her classes the next day, so she can start and finish the big semester paper due at 5 pm. Ugh. I still remember running across campus in yesterday's clothes, barely making it to my teacher's inbox on time. Sheesh.

Anyway, some way or another, over the last 9 years, I've managed to volunteer with the Salt Lake Olympics, serve a mission in LA, fall in love, get married to the most rockin' guy alive, graduate with my Bachelors degree while working full time (and with decent grades, even!), work in my first 'real' job as a substance abuse counselor, give birth to a beautiful little boy and rear him into the dashing young fellow he is today. ;) All the while, Timp has stood in the background, taunting me. Reminding me that I challenged it and failed.

Last Monday, Timp finally lost it's taunting rights with me. Last Monday, Mutti, Heidi and I trekked up that mountain and sat on it's summit. We looked down on the world below, triumphant at last. It wasn't easy- we actually spent the first hour on the mountain following the wrong trail, back tracking, finding the 'right' trail, and then realizing we were still not where we were supposed to be. Seriously-for a trail that supposed to be so popular, you'd think it would be better marked.

Even before getting on the mountain, I was met with the challenge of finding someone to care for Rudy from about 5 am to about 6 pm. Finally, after weeks of seeking a solution, Vati, Tante MaryBeth, and Jason all pulled together and gave me (and Rudy) some of their time so I could hike all day long. I'm so grateful for their kindness. With out their sacrifice, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish my long put off goal.

It was a beautiful hike, full of awesome vistas and breathtaking (sometimes literally) trails. At one point, about 4 hours into the hike, we turned a corner and saw a couple big white mountain goats. They were far enough away that we were unsure about what they were at first. Having just finished listening to the Magician's Nephew about a month ago, my mind conjured up some kind of magical, mystical creature before my neurons could find a better label for the animals before me. Just as I was finally coming into reality, more goats appeared over the ridge that cut off our view of the horizon. They just kept coming, until a herd of about 20 goats, kids and all, were mozying toward us. They got to within 15 feet, I bet. It was so awesome! Somehow, I felt cleaner, more pure for having witnessed these animals just going about their daily grazing. It felt like an honor to be accepted by them as benign, they had trusted me, even with their little ones around, and that felt so good.

At the top, we ate our lunch, savoring our victory, and then began the hike back down.
It seemed like the trail would go on forever, but eventually, we were back in our car, heading home for showers, pizza, and a movie.

So, now that I've finally scaled Mount Timpanogos, I can look at that mountain, which is the backdrop of my life, and say, I know you, I've seen what you see, and I am part of you as you are part of me, at last.

Hiding

It was time for us to go inside.
Rudy did not want to.
So he hid.
Or at least tried to.
The End
:)

Bike!

Jason and I scavanged an abandoned big wheel out of Provo Canyon yesterday. One of the prongs that holds the big wheel in front was broken, as well as one of the pedals, but it was nothing a little duct tape couldn't remedy. :) It's crazy big for Rudy, but he still gets a kick out of it. At last, he has his own bike. One that will be there at the bottom of the steps everytime, and will never be chained to the bike rack.
Rudy, and several of his friends, have got the breezeways memorized. They know just where to find the coolest outdoor toys. Some of them are up for grabs (they're friends' toys, or else at least they're not chained up) but many of the coolest ones (like a battery powered red convertable) are chained up, making them harder to play with (Rudy sometimes still climbs on them, and I figure that's ok, so long as he's gentle) :)
I've been on the hunt for a cool bike at a bargain of a price for Rudy, but haven't had much luck so far. I'll keep looking, but in the mean time, this free "rescued" bike seems to be filling the void. :) It'll probably end up getting passed on to one of our neigbors, who's really outgrown her baby trike and fits this one just perfect. She's already tried trading Rudy the baby trike for the big wheel, but since she has two younger brothers who love the trike, (and it's not duct taped together) I nixed the deal.

The End Of An Era

It's official. I just put Rudy down for bed with out nursing. He is officially weaned. Maybe I should be happy, but I'm tearing up just writing about it. Boy, if this is hard, sending him off on a mission is going to KILL me!
Rudy handled my taking his last "newurse"ing session away just fine, as I always suspected he would. I realized today that I was holding on to that last session for me, not him. Since I don't want to ever be the reason a child of mine doesn't move on to the next healthy step in life, I had to let go.
Rudy and I had a bumpy beginning before setteling into the comfort of nursing. He had some latching problems which I didn't know needed correcting until one of my nipples was badly injured. Nursing through the healing process was incredibly painful and slow. Every time I cried in pain as I nursed my newborn, I told myself I had to hang in there for the few weeks of pain preceding over a year of satisfied, sweet nursing moments. I'm so glad I did. There is something so sweet about holding your child in your arms, and knowing that you are giving them every bit of nutrition they need. As Rudy grew and moved on to eating solids, nursing became a regrouping time. A time to confirm to each other that we love and cherish each other, even if we sometimes butt heads in the grand adventure of growing up. That, and it was the only way I could get the kid to slow down long enough to fall asleep. :)
Rudy's grown up so much in the 20 months he's been around. This may not be a big deal for him, but for me, it's huge. The end of an era.

This Is Just To Say

On our last trip to the library, I discovered a really cool children's poetry book called, "This Is Just To Say: Poems of Apology and Forgiveness". It's written by Joyce Sidman, a fact I uncovered only after reading the whole thing and believing that the children who had written the poems were real. The premise of the book is that a sixth grade class wrote poems of apology as part of a writing unit, and they turned out so well, they decided to print them in a book. It was kind of a let down to realize that the kids and their poems were all created by an adult, but at the same time, I'm impressed at Joyce's talent in writing in so many voices.

The book is so disarmingly open emotionally. A breath of fresh air for me. It got me thinking about an apology I have always regretted I didn't make. So I wrote my own poem of apology. It's no work of literary prowess, but somehow, it makes me feel better. I highly recommend the exercise. :)

To my elementary school janitor, Patty

I'm Sorry

Dear Patty, Wherever you are today,
I hope you don't remember me.

I hope you don't remember when
after school one day
I ran into the boys' bathroom
on a dare from a friend.

I shrieked and groaned about the smell
and all the filth and grime
Even though it all looked great-
I pretended the whole time.

Then I saw you standing there,
cleaning cart in tow.
I watched you walk away,
your shoulders slumped so low.

I'd acted out to be a clown
and make my friends all laugh,
but in the end I might have hurt you,
I might have brought you down.

All through the rest of my school years
I tried to say I'm sorry,
But I was too embarrassed.
I let the moment pass, and pass, and pass.

And now I'm 27, and many states away,
but still sometimes I think of you and hope
you were not hurt by my rude words
that day.

by Maria

The Very Hungry Rudy

It has been my tradition to give Rudy one of his small board books to bring to bed with him when he goes down for a nap or for the night. That tradition ended when I came into Rudy after his morning nap yesterday to find that instead of sleeping, he had been busily gnawing away at the book I left with him. I couldn't help but laugh at the appropriateness of the book he chose to devour.

Victory!

This is the spot where Jason will expound all his great adventures on the quest to obtain one of the last three hp laptop Best Buy deals available in the western united states.