"I'll Eat You Up!"

Hurumph. I guess I'm holding a bit of a grudge against my sweet son right now. Hopefully I'll be all smoothed out by the time he wakes from his nap.

The kid full on bit me when I picked him up and informed him he was going to time out for high-tailing it across the yard with a pointy spade instead of coming inside for his nap. I guess I have to allow that he was tired, and not his best self at the moment, but still! My right shoulder has an angry welt to remind me that in the future, I should always hold him facing out when I only have one arm to wrestle with and I'm about to do something I'm sure Rudy will strongly object to.

I just can't believe he went and all out bit me. He's never (0h wait-RARELY) done such a thing before. I guess now I can sympathize with one of his best friends, Amy, who got the brutal treatment almost a year ago. Maybe its a sign of true affection, but probably not. ;)

To his credit, he calmed down in his time out, came out and asked if he could kiss my owie better. He gave me the sweetest little kiss on my owie, stepped back, and said, "Now it will feel better." So he is a sweetie-just a sweetie with sharp teeth and strong jaws.

A Snowy May Day

It's the 24th of May. Schools around here are beginning SUMMER vacation in 4 days. It snowed for about 5 hours today. Left our backyard looking like this:

Luckily, by the end of the day, the sun had come out and things were looking pretty normal again, but really, I'd have never thought I'd reach for my snow boots and winter coat on the 24th of May!

"Daddy Killed A Coyote"

So. Rudy is officially all ears. We're not allowed to say anything around him that we don't want him to absorb. Not that Jason and I shoot swear words around or anything-just we can't have a conversation between us in front of him-because it automatically becomes between the 3 of us-even if he's across the room playing with his cars. Example:

I had this bizarre dream the other day in which Jason rather brutally killed a coyote. I was telling him all about it as Rudy was playing on his own across the room. (I can't help myself but tell Jason about my dreams-especially if they're bizarre/disturbing. Poor guy!)

THE NEXT DAY, after Rudy stomped on an ant and I was telling him about how we need to respect living creatures and not just stomp on them 'cause we're bigger, he turns to me and says, "Daddy killed a coyote."

What?! It took me a bit to understand and remember why he would think such a thing.

A week later, Rudy is still convinced his Daddy is a coyote killer; he brings it up out of the blue about once a day. We've had countless discussions about how dreams are just make believe stories we tell ourselves in our sleep, but Rudy is convinced that this actually happened, because he heard me say it did. Sigh. Luckily, he doesn't seem too terribly traumatized by the idea of his Daddy being a coyote killer. I'm not even sure he knows just what a coyote is. Sigh. I wonder if this is going to be one of those skewed childhood memories that he'll actually create his own 'memory' of, and insist he was there and saw the whole thing happen when he's older.

Apparently, it's time to keep adult conversations between adults-and that means Rudy is not even in the room. Sigh. ;)

BYU Baseball

Jason, Rudy, Heidi, Josh, and I went to BYU's last home game on Saturday. The Recent Graduates program hooked us up with a pre-game tailgate complete with J-Dawgs hotdogs (the only hotdogs worth eating, really) face painting, and Cosmo the Cougar.

The weather was perfect, the food was good, the company was great. An "All-American" dream come true!. ;)

Peanut's Debut

13 Weeks Pregnant

Peanut has been rockin' my belly lately. He (I'm sorry, Jason, I just can't stick to the she agreement anymore. I'll call her she when and if the ultrasound says so. Until then, I gotta go with my heart on this and call him he. Maybe I just can't imagine growing anything other than a boy, since that's all I'm experienced with, but for whatever reason, this little babe is totally male in my head.)

ANYWAY...he has been kicking or punching or both, for a few days now. I kept telling myself that I couldn't possibly be feeling him 'cause I'm only 13 weeks, but I finally googled the possibilities, and apparently its not unheard of to feel your baby moving as early as 13 weeks if it's your second (or 3rd or 4th) kid.

So, from now on, I'm just trusting my maternal memory and when something feels like a kick to me, I'm accepting it as a shout out from our little Peanut. I love it! It's like our first contact or something. Like we can begin to really communicate with each other. (For example, when I was sitting so my belt buckle encroached on his space, Peanut totally kicked it with attitude-like, "Get that thing outta my space!")

Besides that exciting development, he's also come to a stage where his hearing should be functional enough to hear my voice, and the voices of those around me. So now every night, when I'm singing Rudy his lullaby, I can know I'm really singing to both my kiddos. When I read Rudy stories, I'm reading them to Peanut too. It's nice not to have to tell myself I'm not weird for reading to my belly like I did with Rudy. 'Cause now I'm reading to Rudy and my belly. :) I'm excited to begin this phase of my bonding experience with Peanut. Maybe Jason will be able to feel his movements by the end of the month...who knows?

Another First

Yippee. Rudy's hit another first. He's successfully caught his first, full blown stomach bug. Sigh. He's a cool kid though. He rolls with the punches pretty well, and doesn't complain too much about the fact that he's eaten nothing but oatmeal, saltines, and toast since Monday afternoon. And he's extra snuggly.

My laundry chute is full of errr...soiled...bedding and clothing. My dishes are piling up on the counters, my head is a bit foggy for all the movies we've been watching the last couple of days. It's 3 pm and I'm still in my jammers. (I love being 28 and still getting to call my pajama's jammers.) :)

It's days like this that I'm SO grateful to be a stay at home mom, really. When I can focus on caring for my little man without a worry about who will cover my shift, or what my boss will say if I tell him I need to stay home one more day. When I don't have to start considering who I'm close enough to that I could even consider calling to ask if they'll watch over my explosive darling while I fulfill some stupid 'commitment' to my work. Sigh.

Thanks Jason, for working your tail off for us. And for checking on us at 3 am to offer help 'freshening up' Rudy's bedding. And for understanding when I serve Ramon Noodles for dinner tonight. I love you. :)

Thankful for my family

Yesterday was a beautiful day for me. I cried...alot actually. Mostly out of a profound sense of gratitude for the beauty that is my family. I watched this video early in the day. It reminded me of how precious the everyday things really are.

Then I took a good look at our family portrait that's hanging in our living room. That's when the water works really got going. There we were, our eyes smiling as we held onto each other. As I stood there, looking into my eyes, and the eyes of my most loved ones, my heart just swelled with the awe inspiring truth that this is my family. That I've been blessed with such a beautiful gift. I'm theirs, they're mine, we're ours...forever.

We took that portrait about a year and a half ago. As I continued looking at our little family, I thought of all the things we've experienced along that one and a half year journey. I spent a moment wishing that everything could always be as peaceful and beautiful, and sacred as that picture. Wishing my heart could always swell with contentment, love and security.

But hard things happen. Sad things. Hurtful things. Faith is tried. Courage called upon. Hope questioned. Unity attacked.

Jason and I have weathered many a storm together. There's no one else I'd rather face life with. He is such a wonderful man, husband, friend, and person.

I moved on from wishing things were always easy to thanking God for giving me Jason, and Rudy, and our little Peanut, and even the little one we lost. Each brings me strength, joy, enlightenment. I know that as we turn to God together, we can face any storm that comes our way. I know we can have peace, beauty, security, contentment and love regardless of outside circumstances. For this I thank my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I look forward to updating our family portrait as Peanut comes to join us. I look forward to the opportunity I have each day to bring more love, more peace, and more faith into our home and family. What a beautiful gift we have been given-the agency to choose for ourselves how our families turn out, what values we'll teach, what feelings we'll foster. It can be a bit overwhelming at times...but that's what Jason's there for. ;) He always seems to be able to talk me down from my ledge and help me see all the resources we have, all the supports God has provided for us to build a strong, loving, righteous family.