"You can do it! You can RUN!"

I am just LOVIN' life lately. LOVING IT.  I think I just may be out of the postpartum depression, and let me tell you, even the possibility of that being true makes me want to do cartwheels of joy-maybe even attempt a handspring. (I haven't done one of those since I was like, 10.)

Anyway, here's one thing I love about life: I'm human. Yes, in an "everybody makes mistakes" kind of way, but what I really feel like celebrating right now is the beauty of being part of the human family. Of being able to connect with complete strangers in a way that's almost magical, and is miraculous.

I was out on a run, working on my cardio strength by doing 1 minute sprints followed by 2 minute recovery walks. It was a blast, but also a slap in the face. I knew I'd lost some fitness during my postpartum recovery break, but I was stunned at just how much. Like I could only go at top speed for 45 seconds before my body just mandatorily slowed itself down. I was in one of my sprints, thinking to myself that Rudy or Julia better never be more than a 45 second sprint away from me in any emergency, when I whizzed past a little Abuelita out on an evening stroll. I called out "Hi!" to her as we passed and slowed to my recovery walk about 20 seconds later. It just so happened that this was also my turn around point, so I found myself walking back towards this woman.

I know NOTHING about her story, except that she immigrated to the United States from some other country at some point in her life late enough to still have a very pronounced Hispanic accent. Her dark eyes seemed to radiate the strength, courage, and diligence that such a life experience likely taught her. As we passed again she said with energy and love I didn't expect from such an elderly woman I'd never seen before in  my life, "You can do it! You can RUN!" and I believed her.

That little moment carried me all the way home on what felt like winged feet. How did that woman know those were just the words I needed to hear? How did she know my heart was beginning to harbor seeds of doubt and fear that I'd ever really be fit again? She didn't, but God did, and He put us in each other's paths that night, so that we could connect as sisters in the human family in a way that will bless me for a long time yet to come.

I hope that I'll be ready to reach out to others with that same kind of warmth and kindness so that God can work through me like He worked through that beautiful woman out for her evening stroll.

Thank Goodness for Rudy

I had some errands lined up for this afternoon. Once the kids were up from their naps (or in Rudy's case, nap attempt), I started working on getting us out the door. A good hour later, after changing 2 diapers, nursing Julia, handling a meltdown and a half from no nap Rudy, searching for my wallet, searching for my keys, grabbing Rudy's shoes and getting them on his feet, preparing a snack, loading the diaper bag, finding the coupon I needed, finding the specific toy Rudy really wanted to bring with him, dressing myself in presentable clothing, and strapping Julia into her car seat, I opened the door to find....

NO CAR.

Apparently, Jason and I had a misunderstanding about whether he was taking his scooter or the car to work today.

Rudy must have noticed my slumped shoulders and fallen face as I soaked in the reality that the car was not to be had nor the errands to be ran. He said to me, "It's OK, the car won't be gone forever, it will come back. While we wait, why don't we go outside and play in the sand?" 

That was a valid observation and quite a mature suggestion from a no napped 3 year old. I decided to go with it, seeing as my frazzled head was still just throwing a fit about all the work I'd done to get us ready for errands that were no longer a possibility.

We went out to the backyard, Rudy beelined for the sandbox, and I slumped into a chair with Julia. A few minutes passed, then my little man  appeared with a bottle of bubbles in his hands. He started blowing bubbles, then offered me the wand. I took it, and next thing I knew, we were all giggling as Rudy went chasing bubbles all over the patio like a knight out to slay dragons. We blew bubbles until my knees were sticky with bubble juice drips and my cheeks were tired from blowing. And then we moved on with our day and enjoyed our errand free afternoon out in the sun, doing nothing in particular. 

Thank goodness I've got Rudy around to remind me how to let go and enjoy what I've got when I've got it.

Marvelously Monstrous Mother's Day

I had a beautiful Mother's day. Full of all the things I love, and completely devoid of depression. I used to take savoring the lovely things in my life for granted. Not anymore. Now I know what a miracle joy is, what a blessing that delicious feeling of a giggle rippling over my lips is. Today was filled with little miracles and bounteous blessings. 

Like going on a daybreak mommy and me walk with Julia, smelling the sweet scents of blooming trees and quietly being alone together in the perfectly cool morning air.

Like filling my belly with homemade granola, nursing my daughter, and snuggling back into bed for a 2 1/2 hour nap that left me feeling fresh and ready for anything.

Like waking up from my nap to Jason's gentle nudge into awareness followed closely by Rudy's boisterous presentation of the card they had crafted while Julia and I snoozed. And then coming out of the bedroom to a freshly tidied front room, kitchen, and dining room, and the best beans and tortillas a girl could dream of.

Like sitting close to my husband with our children wriggling joyfully around us through church services.

Like scrambling through a gentle rainstorm with Julia in her weather-guarded stroller bubble of comfort and Rudy wearing my nursing cover like a super hero cape. Laughing, running, holding hands with the coolest three year old I could ever ask for.

Like being 'saved' from the rain by 3 little girls in our congregation with umbrellas and lots of enthusiasm to spare that helped Rudy keep enjoying the fun of running through the rain for the full 3/4 of a mile it took to get home.

Like warming up from head to toe under the warm hum of the blow dryer.

Like having a great friend stop by for a visit.

Like cuddling up with each of my children individually to lull them into dream land as we listened to the rain dancing on our patio.

Like listening to my favorite love song just before bed and eagerly awaiting my stud of a husband's return from his night shift, knowing that his 'weekend' starts tomorrow.

Ah, life is good, and I'm so glad that I can recognize and savor it!

Dear Julia,

Yesterday was an exhausting motherhood day. 30 or 35 years from now, you'll probably know exactly what I'm talking about. My physical stamina was challenged, my self worth was challenged, my faith was challenged, heck, even my sense of humor was challenged. It was hard, and I really needed a good night's sleep to recover, so when you decided to be up at 3 am, it was like a kick in the stomach.
I tried everything I could think of to get you back to sleep. 2 hours later, you were still fussing in your crib, and I was fuming in my bed, telling myself all sorts of unhelpful things like how unfair the whole situation was. When I was good and frothy, I catapulted myself out of my bed for the umpteenth time that night, marched into your bedroom, practically slammed the door behind me, whipped you out of your swaddling blanket and hoped beyond hope that you'd just soiled your diaper and we were a few deft diaper changing maneuvers away from dreamland. No so.
I held your dry, sweet smelling body at arms length and hissed, "What do you want?! What do you WANT, Juila?!" And then I cried. Huge heaving sobs. Exhausted, overwhelmed, self-loathing sobs. And I held you close and told you how sorry I was and how tired I was and how overwhelmed I was, and how I couldn't fathom facing another day after being up half the night.
And then you quieted, and you nestled your head right in between my neck and my shoulder and you held me. It was about the most healing thing I've ever experienced.  We sat there for a good 5 or 6 minutes just holding each other and for a moment, we were sisters. I felt so clearly that you are a daughter of God, and so am I. That we're equals. Not in a "You can do what ever you want and walk all over me" way, but in a "I will respect you and love you enough to listen and get to know you and not just boss you around like an idiot." way.
After I calmed down, you reminded me that you yourself were not feeling so hot either, and it was my turn to soothe you again, but this time, I was OK with that. Somehow, those few moments of connection on a spirit to spirit level restored me enough to soothe you with real benevolence in my heart, and you (finally) drifted into a peaceful sleep. Soon thereafter, so did I.
Julia, yours is a strong, beautiful and loving spirit. You astound me with the goodness that seems to radiate from you. I can't wait to see you continue to blossom and grow and bless people's lives with that goodness. You've already been a giant blessing to mine.
I love you, sweetie.
Love,
Mommy

Bunny Buns

Rudy saw this recipe in The Friend, a children's magazine the LDS Church puts out. He asked to make them pretty much every day for 2 weeks until I finally got up the gumption to do it. It's one of those recipes that calls for lots of rising time. Like, mix the dough, let rise for 2 hours, form the dough, let rise another hour, etc. I'm a bit of a waiting wimp when it comes to baking. (OK, I'm actually a waiting wimp all around, but let's just focus on baking today.) ;)

They're supposed to be more of a sweet roll,  but I was SO not feeling like sweet rolls. We turned them into dinner rolls instead by leaving out the orange zest and not glazing them. I gotta say, it was actually really fun forming them with Rudy, and really gratifying to have them turn out in golden brown perfection. Plus, it's just fun to say- Bunny Buns. :) 

I think I'll keep the recipe. Maybe it'll become a spring tradition to make these cute little guys. 

The Grand Safari

Pretty fancy name for a stroller, huh? But it's fun to say, so I just might teach Rudy that this contraption is called a "Grand Safari" and not just a double jogger. Sound adventurous, and just a little bit elite, and who doesn't want to feel that way headed out to the grocery store, backpack filled with dipes, pretzels, and sippies?

Anyway, as mundane as a double jogger could be perceived to be, having one is rocking my world. I LOVE that I can strap both my kids in and get OUT whenever the urge strikes, and with the weather turning springy, I expect the urge will strike more and more often. 

But on to the hilarious story that is the reason I'm even creating a post about my kiddie/cargo transporter.

On Tuesday, I took Julia out in the stroller for the first time ever. I kept it simple, no jogging, just a quick walk to the park and back, and I packed the babybjorn  carrier just in case Julia hated using a stroller as much as Rudy did at first. Fortunately, Julia was more than content to chill in her new ride and watch the world go by. It probably helped that one of her favorite people in the world was sitting right next to her, making silly faces in her general direction.

Unfortunately, Rudy did not have quite as smooth of a ride. He almost did, mind you-we didn't run into any trouble until we were literally 20 feet from completing the journey. 

As we were strolling past my front yard, I paused for a moment to consider the sorry excuses for bushes that are awkwardly positioned along my front porch. I was working out how I would go about pulling them out when I began walking again and promptly RAN OVER my son. As in, I felt a bump and looked down to see my 3 year old sprawled, face first, on the sidewalk, his little body half covered by the "Grand Safari" that he was supposed to be sitting in. Before you gasp in despair or horror that I would consider this hilarious, let me just assure you that Rudy was absolutely unscathed except for understandable indignation of being run over by a double jogger being pushed by none other than his own mother.

I, of course, was mortified and hurried to help him up to his feet and give him kisses and check him over and all that jazz. Rudy just kept repeating, "That wheel ran me over, Mommy! It ran right over me!" 

I'm just glad we didn't cause an accident at the four way stop right by our house. I could imagine it might have been a bit distracting for a driver to see: kid wriggles out of his seat while mom is stopped, mom begins moving, kid hits the ground like a felled tree, mom doesn't notice anything's amiss until there's an unexpected bump in the sidewalk ahead of her, mom peels her child off the sidewalk while child begins berating the offending front wheel of the yellow contraption he had until recently been riding in. I'm sure it would have caused me to do a double take, and probably begin to chortle to myself. 

Anyway, Rudy and I have a new understanding that he will always let me know if he is getting out of the stroller, and I will always check to be sure there are no small children in my path before embarking on whatever adventure I have planned for my very own "Grand Safari".

Sibling Fun

After dinner, and just before Julia's bed time, Rudy hit a baby laughing jackpot, and he just kept coming back for more. I was holding Julia for probably 10 minutes before I decided to just put her down and grab the camera to record the hilarity for Jason and whomever else feels like watching.
This is what's great about siblings. Had I stumbled upon these laughs, I'd have preformed a few more times before moving on to the dinner dishes, or getting Julia into her jammers or some other practical thing. Not Rudy. That kid had enough stamina to match Julia's interest, and the two of them did this laughing dance for close to 20 minutes before Julia's bed was calling to her louder than her silly brother's antics. I love how Julia was so wound up that she'd sometimes get started laughing even before Rudy did his thing, just knowing that it was coming.
When Rudy realized he was being videotaped, he kept trying to catch himself on camera by making Julia laugh and then hurrying over to see himself in the frame. Probably 'cause after I snap a photo, the shot pops up for a few seconds on the display afterward. He's a ham for seeing himself on camera. :)