Motherhood

Rudy, Julia, and I have had colds since last Thursday. Today Jason was gone ALL DAY. (Like it's been 13 hours since we've seen each other, and we still have 3.5 to go.)

I tried to be brave and strong and chipper, but I was mostly tired. Rudy watched 2.5 hours of Dinosaur Train this morning while I tried to get Julia to stop screaming for more than 10 minutes at a time. When I told Rudy it was time to turn off his shows, he spent the next 1/2 hour telling me he really REALLY doesn't love me. Not one bit. Not ever. And he's not sure if he even likes our house. I guess I don't blame him for being frustrated and moody when this is the face his sole caregiver and potential playmate wore most of the day:

After naps (which Rudy thankfully took after one return to the bed) things were better for a while.  Rudy and I played King and Queen.  King Rudy crafted a special crown for me and presented it with showers of adoration. Good. We baked pumpkin cookies together in preparation for our postponed Family Night.

Then Julia woke and continued to fuss. I decided she might have an ear infection. My rockin' mother in law came over to stay with Rudy and provide me with wheels to get my little lady in to see her doctor. No ear infection, luckily. Just a bummer of a cold. 

After Mom left, Rudy was moody again. When I told him he had to come to dinner instead of keep playing, he spent the whole dinner reminding me about how he REALLY doesn't love me, and how he doesn't like and never ever will like what we're having for dinner. (Scrambled eggs and tortillas-one of his fav's.) By now, I'm counting down the minutes until I can put him to bed. I decide to postpone family night again.

At 7:30, I'm finishing up his bed time routine. I'm saying a good night prayer. He's protesting that he wants no prayer because he doesn't want to go to bed. He throws a ball at me, hitting Julia who is strapped onto me. I stop praying, tell him 'Good night' in a less than chipper tone, turn out the lights and walk out of the room.

Motherhood is seldom glamorous, but sometimes it's just plain crusty. I hang in there on days like today (even if only by a thread), because no matter how much my kids challenge my patience or self worth or strength, I just keep loving them. They're mine, I'm theirs, and there's nothing that can change that. It's a beautiful relationship, belonging to people so completely. It's worth a rough day now and again. And because the beautiful moments, when they pop up, are so heartbreakingly beautiful that I could never imagine living without them.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!