One of those "What have I done?" moments.
And a "Who am I kidding?" moment.
And an "I'm a rotten wife and mother, not to mention dog owner!" moment.
And a little hint of a "Screw the world!" moment.
My confidence is shot. I'm tired. The morning went miserably.
Jason and I fought over just about every breath either of us breathed. Ty jumped onto the table twice. Like all four feet on the table. He cried for me for 15 minutes when I took the kids to the park. Rudy was on the verge of meltdown all morning, no doubt because the vibes in the air were so toxic. Sweet Pea skipped her nap.
I'm stressing out about doing everything right for Ty, and in the meantime forgetting to relish the fact that I have a dog in the house. This is an amazing victory- a dream come true...and I'm too stressed out to enjoy it. I'm worried Ty isn't bonding as he should-that I'm being too demanding with him in setting all the boundaries and rules that I am. I'm worried that Jason will feel emasculated because he can't get Ty to mind as well as I can. I'm fretful, stressed out, irritated, overwhelmed.
I remember having these kind of days when Rudy first came to us. Days when nothing seemed to go right, when every small task seemed daunting...when I worried about if I was feeding, changing, clothing, washing this kid correctly or not. I would lay my finally sleeping child down in his crib (or sometimes I would lay my crying child down in his crib) and just fall on my bed and sob. About nothing. About everything.
That's how I feel right now. Holy cow-seems like most people can bring a dog home without such emotional turmoil. Its fun, its adventurous, its exciting.
I hope all those feelings start making their way into my house sometime soon.
In the mean time, I'll be munching away on the chocolate chip pumpkin cookies I made with Rudy this morning, and trying to remember what a great dog Ty really is.
I mean really-as I'm typing, he's just chillin' in his open crate (where he chose to settle down)-and he's done amazingly well with the kiddos and the cat-and he hardly barks at our neighbors' dogs (there are 6 dogs that share a fence with us)-most of whom don't hesitate to bark themselves hoarse at him. I just have to remember my motto in this whole dog fostering experiment: "Keep Calm and Carry On."
2 comments:
Oh sad! Sorry you're having that kind of day. I hope you guys settle in soon and start having fun with your puppy. And I wanted to tell you that just because Amy wouldn't exactly want to come to your house quite yet, Rudy is still welcome at ours so you guys can get out. Let me know when you want a date!
You're amazing Maria.
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