Organizing the basement can be quite the enlightening experience. In going through all the boxes yet to be unpacked down there, I came upon a box full of my old journals. I couldn't help but take a peek into my 12 year old journal. My favorite entry I came across:
"Today I have taken the last step to becoming a woman. I started my period!"
I laughed out loud that menstruation equaled womanhood to me back then.
And then I thought about all the other times I've told myself I've arrived at adulthood.
When I got my first 'real' job. (The kind you pay taxes on.)
When I moved to Austria "all by myself". (I lived with my aunt and my parents paid my way entirely.)
When I learned to drive a manual transmission car.
When I went to college.
When I finally started paying my own way.
When I left on a mission.
When I returned from my mission.
When I got married.
When I gratuated college and worked in a 'career type' job.
When I became a mother.
And most recently, when Jason and I bought our first house.
It's funny, because until I read that silly little one line entry in my 1993 journal, I've really been thinking, "Ok, Maria. You've arrived. No more 'kid' mistakes are allowed. You're a home owner now and must be absolutely responsible. You are officially an adult."
I've been stressing out about it-just waiting to mess up and prove to the world (or myself) that I'm not grown up enough to properly care for a house.
Hmm. Maybe buying a house is just one more step along the way. Maybe I never have to 'arrive'. Maybe I'm allowed to slowly but surely keep taking more and more on, without expecting myself to be flawless in fulfilling every responsiblity. It's something to think about, at least. :)
1 comment:
I love the thought. The thing that I was going to tell you today... then forgot... along those lines is that I remember approaching my 16th birthday and thinking, "oh no, turning 16 will mean I have to be mature." Rediculous! 12 years later, and I have no such misconceptions about turning 28. No "have to be mature" for me. Same as your steps to womanhood I think. Sure we have to be mature sometimes, but what's with the pressure to be so grown up, to not make childish mistakes and even to not act like a child sometimes. Good thing I did away with that silly idea!
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